Unleash Your Inner Confidence: Transforming Fear into Courage

What is confidence? It seems like everyone wishes they had more of it at some point in their lives. Whether you're a young student or an adult, the desire for greater confidence is universal. Maybe you want to confidently present in front of your classmates or coworkers. Perhaps you want the courage to approach someone you have a crush on and say hello. Whatever the case may be, there are a few strategies you can use to create the feeling of confidence.

I once had a student who couldn't bring herself to present in front of her class. She would stand up front, staring at her classmates, paralyzed by fear. The more she stared, the more scared she became. You could see all the classic signs of fear—wide eyes, shaky hands, and the inability to form complete sentences. The first time I saw this, I had her step off the "stage" to calm down. Using a few tricks that I'll share with you, she eventually got back in front of her classmates and presented for seven minutes, laughing and giggling throughout her speech.

When speaking to this young girl about her fear, she revealed that she would imagine giving her presentation before the event and picture her classmates pointing and laughing at her. The more she thought about this scenario, the more frightened she became until she had a panic attack when she actually had to stand in front of the class.

To help yourself or your child gain more confidence, start by understanding the mental images associated with the potential worst outcome. Once you recognize these mental pictures, you can become the director of your own world. We are powerful creators, capable of changing the stories we tell ourselves.

For instance, I had a client who wanted to ask out a girl but imagined her rejecting him in the worst way possible. He couldn't approach a woman without having an anxiety attack. When I asked him about his worst-case scenario, he said she would throw her drink in his face and scream, "No way, you creep!" I told him, "Any woman who would do that is someone you wouldn't want to be with anyway!" He laughed, seeing my point, and started to relax.

So, how do you change these stories? First, identify the story you are telling yourself. Is it a movie or a picture? Is it close or far away? Is there sound? Is the image crisp and clean? Once you've identified these submodalities, start to change them. Turn the picture/movie into a black-and-white film. Make the image blurry. Move it far away until it's the size of a quarter. Now, imagine shooting it out into outer space until it becomes a distant star.

Next, create a new movie that serves you better. Imagine yourself doing exactly what you want to do. Make the picture/movie bright and colorful, in 3-D, and crisp. Make it the size of a movie theater screen with surround sound. See what you see, hear what you would hear, and feel what you would feel if you were twice as confident. Jump into that movie and merge with that confident version of yourself. Keep that image in your mind and replay it throughout your day. Soon, you'll forget you ever had any other video playing in your mind.

To learn more about erasing bad memories and creating empowering ones, join me for a two-hour workshop on transforming your inner narrative.

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